enjoy my trash aesthetics and trying to be ‘cool’.
This is the post excerpt.
enjoy my trash aesthetics and trying to be ‘cool’.
I just ate a bowl of pasta while I was a bit loony on medication. I had just had gone through an emotional breakup with someone who I loved so dearly but I remember that the pain that I felt when I broken up with my ex wasn’t as bad as having an episode for depression. I was able to function…well, ‘function’ a bit more normally.
Long story short, you will get over your ex quick but not as quick as you hope it to be. You will always find your soulmate who is there to love you.
During this winter break I have noticed something. I feel more empty than usual, as if there is a big black pit in my chest where my heart is suppose to be. Without school to cram most of my time into, I feel disoriented from reality, like the world around me is a simulation or a hologram of some sort. I justed believed for the first few weeks that I felt like this is because of my depression or my lack of sleep but yesterday, the girl I liked kissed me on the cheek yet…I felt nothing. I felt empty once more. I wonder at times, ‘what if the world is actually fake.’ NOW THAT IS AN IDEA!
!!WARNING SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!!
If you know me, I am obsessed with a little musical that is booming right now called Dear Evan Hansen. This musical is just…so beautiful in every single way possible. It not only speaks to people who have anxiety but people who are struggling with mental issues and such.
Dear Evan Hansen is the story of well…Evan Hansen, a teen who struggles with EXTREME anxiety. He would often write letters to himself saying that no matter what today would be a good day but after the death of Connor Murphy, the Murphy parents found Evan’s letter, thinking that Connor wrote it to Evan. Then…Evan told a lie, a lie saying that him and Connor were friends. Because of that lie, he became popular, started a campaign for teens who feel alone in this world but Evan left the ones who helped him become popular, he left them alone in the world. Will Evan live on a lie or will the truth be told?
One specific song call, ‘Requiem’ touches my heart in many ways possible. It reminds me of my father and during Zoe’s second solo the line, “After all you put me through, don’t say it wasn’t true, you were not the monster that I knew.” Made me broke down in tears the first time I listened to it. The song just brings me back with so many memories and makes me cry every single time.
Another song that touches my heart is Words Fail, a song where the truth spills out and everyone seems to turn on Evan. In the end, he is the one alone, trying to fix his mistakes. He wants everything to be better and everything about him to be better but there is nothing he can say to fix his mistakes.
Do I recommend this musical? Absolutely! It is such an inspiring musical for teens and children out there who love Broadway. Please give it a listen and recommend more musicals that I should listen to. Currently, I am listening to Miss Saigon, Something Rotten, and Chicago.
Most people on this blog are people I know in real life. They know me as Claudia, a small girl with big dreams such as being an actor and going on Broadway. But as who I am right now, I feel as if I am not suited to be on Broadway or achieve any of my dreams of being and actor. The reason why is that, I am transgender or soon to be.
Yes, biologically I was born female, a small girl who wore dresses and loved the color pink until fourth grade. In fourth grade is where I learnt about people being gay. Yes, I have had feelings before for other girls heck, my first crush was a girl! Anyways, my teacher has told me that being gay is okay. You can like boys or girls or anybody in between. It opened my eyes, girls can like girls, boys can like boys? It just opened up my life to new heights. That is when I knew I can be more than just female.
That is when I cutt my hair shorter, started to wear pants, tried to look masculine but then I looked in the mirror the summer of 2017 and asked, ‘Who were you?’. I used to be a little girl who loves girly toys and always wanted her hair in pigtails. I wondered where did she go? Did she disappear? No, I do not regretb who I use to be but I wonder who I am now. I looked and wanted to be more masculine but there was something holding me back. One day, that day came…Her.
Her name is not important but she does mean everything to me. Through the darkest times, she has loved me unconditionally and helped me with who I am. She is the reason why I accepted myself for who I am, a trans male who has been hidden in the closet for a bit too long because of her, the love of my life, has showed me to the way to happy. As cheesy as it sounds, thanks to her, I am happy. I was able to find myself through the darkness.
Lemme just say this
When was it ever right to be straight?
(WARNING: I HAVE NOT WATCHED EVER MUSICAL EVER, THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF MY FAVORITES.)
Musicals are a big part of my well being. They make me happy on the darkest days and calm me down in my worst moments. Long story short, I love musicals. Performing on Broadway is one of my biggest dreams ever. And the musicals that I want to perform in, (Broadway or Off-Broadway) are basically some of the best musicals on Broadway.
Hamilton: An American Musical
Hamilton is a musical which reaches get heights. It was written by Lin Manuel Miranda, the writer and composer of In The Heights and 21 Chump Street. Not only did this musical cover the history of Alexander Hamilton at it’s finest, it was able to touch so many genres of music within a two hour musical. This musical helped many kids my age get into musical theatre and is a steeping stone for many more great musicals to come. In 2016, Hamilton was able to win 11 Tonys and I am gonna be honest, it deserved every single one.
Be More Chill
Be More Chill isn’t like any musical I have heard before. It has such a sci-fi feel to it with bits of soft rock. This musical is relatable in every way possible from Jeremy’s wish to be cool to Michael’s panic attack in the bathroom. this musical proves that good musicals don’t have to be on broadway to be good. JUST A WARNING, this musical is for more mature audiences.
Phantom Of The Opera
Phantom Of The Opera is a classic written by the amazing Andrew Lloyd Webber. Sure most of the music is classical music played by strings and woodwinds but what song made me fall in love with this musical is the title song, Phantom of The Opera. It just mixes rock with classical in a way I cannot describe it. Long story short, I love this musical.
Heathers: The Musical
Another musical for an older audience. This musical basically about a girl who kills her best friends because she is blinded by love. Some of the most iconic quotes comes from this musical such as ‘well f*ck me gently with a chainsaw!’ and ‘SHUT UP, HEATHER!’. I don’t have much to say about this musical but don’t kill your best friends because you are in love with a murderous psychopath.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
Dear Evan Hansen
I love every musical on this list but Dear Evan Hansen has such a special place in my heart. This musical helps me calm down at my darkest moments and all sends an important message to everyone who feels suicidal, ‘when you’re broken on the ground, you will be found.’. This musical is one of the many things that make me happy when I feel broken and sadly, the actor for Evan Hansen left last Sunday. I wish for Ben Platt to go on and on for greater journeys ahead.
But in all seriousness, please give Dear Evan Hansen a listen. I has touched my heart and I hope it touches your too.
Good day and salutations. i am claude, a tiny transgender blueberry muffin who is shorter than a normal human being. There is nothing that interesting to me then that i am an offensive piece of crap who has no feelings. i am the basically the embodiment of chewing into ice cubes, cold and unpleasant. it is surprising that people still like me. i was once also in a movie. i was the loser kid who sat by the trash can (yes, my jokes are like all the memes, stolen). please be my friend.